Oh God, the pain is unbearable without you, my darlings.

Since the day you left, I've wanted to write to you, to tell you how awful the world is without you, how unlivable it is. I long to visit your graves.
How could you leave me alone?
I wish, Dad, you'd come back and tell me, "Don't leave me, stay, I want you to live with me."
I wish, Mom, you'd stayed. I swear I'd always cherish you. I wouldn't tell you you have too much to do, I swear I'd give you peace, my love. I miss your hugs and your confiding in me. You used to tell me I was kind to you, you'd complain to me and feel better talking to me. I wish you'd keep calling me like you used to, keeping me company, and I'd stay sleeping at your place and wake up to your voice.
Who will keep Ahmed and Maryam company, teach them the Quran, pray with them in congregation, and play with them? Who will bring us joy, Dad, and gather us together again? How will I go on without my sisters who were kinder to me than I was, and my children who were the first to hear I'd been to Gaza? I'd find them there before me, and we'd stay on the phone with Bulbul so we wouldn't feel like anyone was missing, even if they were busy. We'd stay up late, and I'd all sleep next to each other. Even though my parents' house was small, it was big enough for all of us. Na'man and Sha'ban would always come and joke with me, patting me on the shoulder and saying, "Don't worry, your brothers are men. We've got your back, we're your support." You'd say it jokingly, and I was so happy and believed it wholeheartedly. Your absence has broken my heart.

And my nephews, who loved me the most and called me "Little Auntie," saying, "We don't even feel like you're our aunt, it's like you're our sister and our friend." I wish you'd stayed. I'd be content. You drove me crazy, and I'd always have you all above me, you and my brothers' wives and their children. I love you all.
Who will wait for me now, waiting for me to come over, waiting for me to cook their favorite meals? Who will I bake a cake for, have a party for, celebrate a birthday for? We used to be happy out of nothing. And we're happy.
No matter what worries and problems each of you has, late at night our gatherings, our laughter from the heart make us forget the whole world. Na'man laughs and he drives them crazy, and my father sits with us all around him. Even when he was sick, he made us feel like he was the strongest person in the world, and we all leaned on him. My mother prays for us in every prayer and during the night vigil.
You know, Mom, you used to tell me about my husband that your sweet prayer...
You were sincere in every word, my dear. He takes care of me just like you always told him. You used to tell me that I was the only one you weren't worried about because he was with me.
They used to tell me I slept a lot at my parents' house, and I'd tell them my father wouldn't let me go. Oh, I didn't know I slept so I could be with you all. Ramadan and Eid came, and I'm alone in the tents. I wish I could talk to you and tell you, "May you be with me every year." I wish I could come to you and take pictures of you. I wish you would open the door for me. I long for the house, and I say, "Open it for my family and my men!" I rejoice at the arrival of my sister's sons, now grown men, with their uncles, who come to visit me.

I've lost all my family. It's just you and me, my darling, my heart's desire, left, but each of us is in a different country, my dear sister.
Oh God, my sister, please reunite me with you so I can live the rest of my life with you and cherish you. We've been deprived of joy since they left. My dear, you're gone, and so is the home, the gatherings, the heartfelt laughter, and the peace.
The hardest thing in the world is living alone without your family.
I can't believe that all my family is gone, and no one is left, oh God.
I'm not questioning your decree, oh God, but it's so difficult.
May God have mercy on you, forgive you, and be kind to you. What eases this whole ordeal is that you're at peace now, in a better place than where we are. Blessed are you, all of you martyrs, and blessed am I to say that all my family are martyrs. May God accept you among the righteous. And the martyrs

Then, by God, these are the heaviest days for my heart... May God mend our broken hearts, ease our suffering, strengthen our hearts, and compensate us for all that we have lost.

يالله عكمية الوجع بعدكم يا حبايبي
من يوم ما رحتو نفسي اكتبلكم نفسي اقولكم قديش الدنيا سيئة من غيركم ما بينعاش فيها نفسي ازور قبوركم
كيف قدرتو تسيبوني لحالي
نفسي يابا ترجع اتقولي ما تروحيش من عندي خليكي بدي اسكنك عندي
ياريتك يا امي ضليتي والله حضل شيلاكي عراسي مش حقولك شغلك كتير والله حريحك يا حبيبتي اشتقت تحضنيني واتفضفضيلي كنتي تقوليلي اني حنونة عليكي وتشكيلي وترتاحي وانتي بتحكي معي نفسي اضلك تتصلي عليا زي زمان وتونسيني واضل نايمة عندكم واصحى عصوتك
طب مين حيونس احمد ومريم ويحفظ معاهم قرآن ويصلي معاهم جماعة ويلعب معاهم
مين حيفرحنا يابا ويلمنا عندو تاني
كيف حكمل من غير خواتي اللي كانو احن مني عليا وعولادي اللي كانو اول ما يسمعو اني انزلت غزة الاقيهم قبلي هناك وانضل فاتحين مع بلبل مكالمة عشان ما نحس انو حد ناقص حتى لو مش فاضيين يجو ونسهر وانام كلنا جمب بعض حتى لو بيت اهلي صغير كان يساعنا كلنا طب نعمان وشعبان كانو دايما يجو يمزحو معي ويخبطو عكتفي يقلولي اتخافيش اخواتك رجال احنا في ضهرك احنا سندك كنتو تحكوها بضحك وانا مبسوطة فيها ومسدقاها من قلبي كسرتو ضهري والله بفراقكم
طب اولاد اختي كيف اللي كانو يحبوني اكتر واحدة ويقولي خالتو الصغيرة اصلا بنحسش انك خالتنا كأنها اختنا وصاحبيتنا ياريتكم ضليتو وانا راضية اتجننوني واضلكم كلكم فوق راسي انتو ونسوان اخوتي وولادهم والله بحبكم كلكم
مين حيستناني ويستنى جيتي عليه ويستنى اعملو الاكل اللي نفسو فيه لمين حعمل كيكة وحفلة وعيد ميلاد كنا من ولا اشي نفرح وننبسط
قد ما كان يكون عند كل واحد فيكم هم ومشاكل يجي اخر الليل قعدتنا ولمتنا وضحكنا اللي من القلب ينسينا كل الدنيا نعمان بضحكو وهو بجنن فيهم وابويا وهو قاعد وكلنا حواليه حتى وهو مريض كان محسسنا انو اقوى واحد بالدنيا ومسنودين كلنا عليه
امي بدعاها النا بكل صلاة وبقيام الليل
عارفة يا امي كنتي تقوليلي على جوزي انو دعوتك الحلوة اللي
كنتي صادقة بكل كلمة يا عمري والله داير بالو عليا زي ما كنتي توصيه دايما كنتي تقوليلي انو انا الوحيدة اللي مش قلقانة عليا عشانو معايا
كانو يقلولي بتنامي كتير عند اهلك اقولهم ابويا مش راضي يخليني اروح ااااخ ما بعرف اني كنت انام عشان اشبع منكم
اجا رمضان والعيد وانا لحالي واحنا بالخيم نفسي اكلمكم واقولكم كل سنة وانتو معايا وجمبي نفسي اجي عندكم واصوركم نفسي تفتحو عليا باب الدار واقول افتحو لأهلي ولرجالي وافرح بدخلة اولاد اختي اللي صارو شباب مع خوالهم يجو يزورني
انحرمت كل اهلي
ضلينا يا بلبل انا وانتي يا حبيبة قلبي بس كل واحد فينا في بلد يا روح اختك انتي
يااارب يختي يجمعني فيكي واعيش معاكي باقي العمر واحطك بعنيا انحرمنا الفرحة بعدهم والله ياعمري رحتو وراح البيت واللمة والضحكة اللي من القلب والراحة
والله اصعب اشي بالدنيا تعيش وحيد بدون اهلك
مش قادرة اصدق انو كل اهلي راحو ولا حد ياربي ضل
مش اعتراض عحكمك والله يارب بس صعبة كتير
الله يرحمكم يااارب ويغفرلكم ويحسن اليكم اللي بهون بكل هالقصة انكم ارتحتو ورحتو لمكان احسن من اللي احنا فيه نيالكم وانتو كلكم شهدا ونيالي وانا بقول كل اهلي راحو شهداء ربنا يتقبلكم عندو بمنزلة الصدقيين والشهداء
ثم إنها والله لأثقل الأيام على قلبي ..
جبر الله كسرنا، وهون علينا مصائبنا، وربط على قلوبنا، وعوضنا عن كل ما فقدنا